In this day and age, sex runs rampant throughout pop culture. There are TV shows (“Sex and the City” was a personal favorite), songs, and plenty of movies that go into far more detail than I care to.
When it comes to looking for a serious, committed relationship online, however, sex and your online dating profile should not mix. Consider the two like oil and water, pickles and ice cream, toothpaste and orange juice… you get the idea. In its most innocuous form, people imply sex in countless profiles that mention touching and cuddling by the fire. But while cuddling by the fire may sound lovely, your profile is meant for you to talk about your hobbies and personality and what you’re looking for in a partner. Who doesn’t like to cuddle? All that line does is take up extra space on the page when you could be using that prime real estate to win someone over. And I don’t know about you, but I personally wouldn’t want someone I don’t know creating a visual of me cuddling on the couch in my cozy PJs and slippers. Creepy!
Then there is the other extreme – explicitly mentioning sex in your profile. Unless you’re looking for a predominantly physical relationship (which some people are), this is an easy way to turn someone off.
Below are some real, unedited examples (taken from multiple online dating sites) of profiles where the “sex talk” is simply self-defeating:
- “I like fishing and travel and sex.” (This was the first line of a guy’s profile!)
- “I recently ended a faithful, 12-year marriage because I was unhappy with the intimacy and sex.”
- “To be clear, uninhibited intimacy means I want a woman who enjoys cuddling up, flirting, talking dirty, and giggling in the arms of a man. I want a woman who simply loves having sex with a man. I want a woman who enjoys receiving oral sex…” (It went downhill from here. I spared your eyes – trust me.)
- “I think it is important for the sake of compatibility, so I am leading with this: as it turns out, I prefer to be somewhat dominant in the bedroom. So yeah. There it is. I just wrote that, just put it right out there lol. :)”
- “I am looking for someone who is ambitious as I am, and has strong morals and family values. Someone who shares the same goals in life as I do. Oh yeah, and the sex has to be great too! ;)”
- “Simple down to earth, compassionate, confident, romantic and loves to see ladies in nicely fitted tight/painted on jeans look.” (A more subtle, yet still pretty graphic, way of doing it.)
Sex is an intimate thing to be shared between two consenting adults – not an entire online community. So try to leave the “sex talk” in your mind and off your profile. It’s not until you know someone well enough that you should invite her or her to hear your thoughts. To draw the right kind of attention, feel free to review these profile-writing tips.
Erika Ettin is, as the Washington Post has noted, a “modern day Cyrano.” She is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people with all aspects of online dating. An archive of all of Erika’s columns is also available. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter for updates and tips.
This article was also posted in JMag, the online magazine for JDate.com.