I got a call from a client not too long ago asking how I thought his date went with a girl. I first asked, as I always do, “How did it end?” The response was, “Well, we made out a little.” What!? You made out and weren’t sure how the date went? If there was any question, it went well. (The caveat: Unless someone was committing Din #2.)
In many ways, men and women are different (yeah, yeah, get your mind out of the gutter), but in many, we’re also the same. Deep down, we are all animals with basic needs and wants, and when we want something, we make it happen.
I often get asked the question, “Wouldn’t he (or she) make time to see me if he really wanted to?” The short answer is yes. Of course, we are all busy, and there are always exceptions to the rule – a business trip, an (often unexpectedly) crazy workweek, an illness, a friend in town – but generally, if someone wants to see you, a slot of time will be carved out no matter what. Heck, I used to make plans at 10:15 at night when I was in business school. Class got out at 10:00, and I’d have people meet me in Georgetown right afterward for a drink. (And the drink was often much-needed after three hours of cost accounting or entrepreneurship. In hindsight, maybe I should have paid more attention to that class.) I could have gone to bed, but if I wanted to see someone, I made it happen. Even if your eyes are closing, you’ll make the time.
I agree with Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s teachings in “He’s Just Not That Into You” – if someone is not making time for you, ignore the excuses and move on. It’s a good lesson to learn, for both men and women. You deserve someone’s time. But I also agree with the Erikaism, “He/she is just that into you.” You’ll know when someone is putting in the time to see you, whether it’s convenient or not. As my mom used to say to me, “Eri, you’ll know when he likes you.”
This brings me back to my client’s question. If a girl (or guy) is making out with you, chances are she likes you. It’s her choice – she could turn her head, say she’s tired, any number of things – but if you two are playing a rousing game of tonsil hockey, it’s her choice, too. It takes two to tango.
Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, helping people find success in online dating and getting them excited about its possibilities. “Like” A Little Nudge on Facebook, or follow on Twitter. An archive of all of Erika’s columns is also available.
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