Gather the News — Jewish News of the Week (2nd)

Do people still care about the Maccabeats?  I certainly don’t.  Let’s Gather the News…

  • Ok, maybe just a little.
  • Time Magazine names a Jewish 20-something its Person of the Year.  Meanwhile, I’m writing Gather the News.
  • A mysterious Stuxnet virus has apparently set back Iran’s nuclear program two years.  Israel is assumed to be responsible, but we can never rule out Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith.
  • Don’t know what “phylacteries” are?  Apparently, neither do New Zealander ferry passengers.
  • According to Winona Ryder Mel Gibson is not a fan of the Jews.  In other news, pigs remain grounded and Hell is enjoying a hot season.
  • Richard Nixon too.  Seriously though, Hell is still sweltering.
  • The House of Representatives unanimously opposes recognizing a “state” with two central governments and undefined borders.  Lame duck session?  Please.
  • Lauren Pierce Bush, granddaughter of George H.W, will wed the son of Jewish designer Ralph Lauren.  Now comes the choice of whether to be Lauren Lauren, or Lauren Lifshitz.  Lucky her.
  • The IDF shoots down a freakin’ UFO!  It was likely just a party balloon, but that’s not nearly as interesting.